THE FIRST FANDOM_WANK

[gogmagog]

Okay, I was talking with folks on IRC - specifically enkiae, worldserpent, and angrybabble - about the canon gay Dumbledore news, and specifically the wank that has arisen from it.

I mentioned that I was going to make an "epic" post on it (which I'm still working on), and the following conversation ensued:

enkiae: EPIC post
enkiae: which muse do you invoke when making posts about gay dead headmasters, yosi?
enkiae: as an english lit graduate, it is your duty to know
yoshitsune: hmmmm...perhaps melpomene, because OMGTHEIRLUVISSOTRAGIC
yoshitsune: she's the muse of tragedy, right?
yoshitsune: yup
yoshitsune: I only invoke erato, muse of erotic poetry, when I'm writing my hott hott dumblesnape slash
enkiae: You'd better start your post with an invocation, yosi >:O
yoshitsune: "O muse, sing to me of tragic love unrequited, of dead gay headmasters and delicious, delicious fandom tears...."
enkiae: YES
enkiae: DO IT
enkiae: would Eris be the unofficial muse of trolling and wankery? XD
yoshitsune: probably!
yoshitsune: her golden apple = THE FIRST TROLLING
enkiae: OH LULZ
enkiae: Aphrodite shippers- Hera shippers- Athena shippers!
yoshitsune: OMG ATHENA/APPLE OTP!!!1!
yoshitsune: APHRODITE IS A HOAR
* yoshitsune is so totally putting this into his post too XD
worldserpent: XD
worldserpent: NO WAYS ATHENA 4EVAR cause I project my nerd-girl self on her, kinda like Hermione XD
worldserpent: Not that I really do project myself onto Hermione, though
enkiae: Hera would SO create sock puppet accounts to discredit Aphrodite
enkiae: oh wait
yoshitsune: HERA = MSSCRIBE
enkiae: HeraxxZeus for teh incest factor!
yoshitsune: nowai hera x poseidon 4eva....oh wait
yoshitsune: that's incest too D:
yoshitsune: uhhhhh...
yoshitsune: hera x io!
yoshitsune: hott rivalfemslash!
yoshitsune: a reversal of eve sedgwick!
yoshitsune: fighting the masculinist oppression by having hott goddess x cow sex!
enkiae: Athena would write long winded wankery posts about the inherant sexist male dominated privilege, and how Aphrodite got the apple because of it
enkiae: Aphrodite would reply with "like omg dun get so offended!"
yoshitsune: aphrodite: "ur just jellus because ur a fat h0 in rl"
enkiae: Aphrodite would also start her LJ post with
enkiae: "I have nothing against gay people but...
enkiae: "GANYMEDE?!? GOD!!"
yoshitsune: hera: OMG THAT GANYMEDE STOLE MY MAN
yoshitsune: IT WAS TOTALLY JUST LIKE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN ;_;
enkiae: so wait
enkiae: Troy= one MEGA f_w post
yoshitsune: enkidu: YES
enkiae: with the Trojan horse being the mods shutting it down
yoshitsune: the gods are shippers
yoshitsune: some favor paris x helen
yoshitsune: some favor menelaus x helen
yoshitsune: some favor briseis x achilles, some achilles x patroclus
enkiae: and Odysseus' ride home = the subwank that came out of it
angrybabble: you guys should write this! :D
yoshitsune: yeah, that's the gay dumbledore wank to the trojan horse's potterdammerung
yoshitsune: not as epic but somehow more wanky XD
yoshitsune: and also more awesome
enkiae: and Aeneas
enkiae: Aeneas man
enkiae: he was like "I AM FED UP WITH THIS COMMUNITY'S POLITICS AND BICKERING, I'M STARTING MY OWN FORUM:
enkiae: and his episode with Dido is a perfect example of "I did it for the lulz"
enkiae: and don't forget Gaea!
yoshitsune: oh yes, her and uranus
enkiae: She's the haxx0r that likes to mess up the comm from time to time
enkiae: hi typhon
yoshitsune: and demeter, the irresponsible mod who just leaves for long periods of time while things are getting f-ed up
yoshitsune: because she has "zomg real life issues"
enkiae: and going a bit more eastward...
yoshitsune: no one even thinks she has a daughter anyway!
enkiae: The Inanna/Ereshkigal wank?
yoshitsune: oh, that bitch ereshkigal
enkiae: Inanna: ZOMG u are being exclusivist! Let me join your community!!!! ;_;
yoshitsune: ereshkigal: hot chicks only, u h0r!!1!
enkiae: ............you do know, yosi, we are too nerdy to live :D
yoshitsune: .........but in a good way, right? :D
enkiae: Enki is the reasonable mod that comes in from time to time to settle the wank
enkiae: with his fingernail co-mods
enkiae: But people complain cause he's an absantee mod!
angrybabble: for azn wank, bishamonten is the mod who just locks threads and tells people to knock it off
enkiae: azn wank?
enkiae: Amaterasu: I AM LEAVING THIS COMMUNITY ONCE AND FOR ALL
yoshitsune: ame-no-uzume: I HAVE PR0NS, COME BACK ;_;
angrybabble: XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDddddd
yoshitsune: haha, gilgamesh is the author trying to find a fic archive that will not go down, that will give him immortality
yoshitsune: and enkidu is his co-author!
enkiae: OMG DUDES
enkiae: the flood myths?
yoshitsune: but then inanna comes in and messes things up
enkiae: LJ CRACK DOWN
yoshitsune: XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
yoshitsune: THEY DROWNED THE PORN
yoshitsune: LJ FROWNS ON HUMAN x NEPHILIM ACTION
yoshitsune: IT'S LIKE PEDOPHILIA, IN A WAY
enkiae: and then all the pagans made LJ icons about God being a nazi
enkiae: screw this man
yoshitsune: 04/07/5000BC...NEVAR FORGET
enkiae: tomorrow I am writing an epic poem about the history of wank!
yoshitsune: OMFG DU IT ENKI
* yoshitsune is going to post this convo in his LJ entry

Comments

[weruletheschool.livejournal.com]

My head exploded from too much hilarity. A LOLcano eruption, even.

[yoshitsune.livejournal.com]

*tries to make a fandom-related Pompeii joke, but fails*